Be a Voice

I was asked if I could come up with a flyer asking people to speak at Take Back The Night, I was honored to be asked to do this, and at the same time wondering How am I to fit everything I want to say onto one flyer??  I like to try to explain everything.  So I figured why not write out my reasons and ways that you can Speak/Share/Be a voice at Take Back The Night on here?

Here is a rough draft of a flyer I made and I'll go into detail after it (remember I did say ROUGH draft, there are spelling errors and it's not clean and neat)

*  A safe environment:  That's an understatement!  Take Back The Night isn't only safe but also supportive.  Everyone there is either a survivor, or someone supporting survivors.  You won't ever get a better group of people to stand in front of and express yourself.

*  Hope, Inspire, Encourage, Lift, these are all things that you will be giving other people in the crowd.  Hope that life will get better, that there is help out there, and hope for a brighter future.  You're going to Inspire others to share, and to get help.  Encourage....it's the same thing as inspire, but more than that you're going to have a sense of encouragement after speaking out and sharing.  And Lift...You will lift people up.  Yes, your story could be dark and hard, but seeing that you survived and are taking a stand you will lift everyone up that there is hope.

*  Heal and Share  That's what the night is about, healing through sharing.   It's a very healing night.

*  #SurvivorCommunity  this is a night when survivors, victims, and those who support us get together.

*  Yell. Cry. Whisper. Cheer. Talk.  It doesn't matter how it comes out, let it out. Yell if you're mad, let the people at the end of town hear your strong voice taking a stand.  Cry, let the tears roll, sob, because we know that it hurts, that the abuse you faced is painful and scary and how could that happen? Cry, you won't be the only one to do so! Cry and there will be other tears falling.  Whisper, mumble, stutter... public speaking is a fear of many, you don't have to be perfect here, once you get started letting it out it comes easier.  Cheer, you survived and fought to be the strong person you are today after being torn down, Cheer and let the world know that you are brave and strong after facing such darkness.  Just talk, everyone there is listening to what you have to say.

*  Sing. Poems. Art. Stories. Dance.  I've seen people get up and tell their story and let their voice be heard in all these ways (except dance...I haven't seen that but dance is a form of expression and would be awesome!)  You don't have to write something long like I do, I've seen people sing a song of healing, rap about their pain and anger and how they got out, read a poem they wrote about hurting themselves and getting help.  There's not wrong way to share.

*  Strength.  This word has a double meaning.  You are already Strong! You've gone through hell, and here you are, sharing, and you have great strength to go through it all and to open up about it.  Also you are giving others Strength. This ties right back into the hope, life, inspire part, you telling your story is giving a victim strength to get help, it's giving a person in the crowd strength to get up after you and tell their story, and it's giving someone the strength to talk next year.

*  #youarenotalone You are telling your story so that others know that they are not alone.  It's the worst thought and feeling to think that you are the only one who has been hurt in this way.  We need to share our story so that more people share and no victim of abuse will feel like they are alone, we need to share so that they get our strength to seek help and pass on the word to others that we know how they feel.

*  Let it out.  Let emotion take over, and let it out.

*  #TellMyStoryMyWay  as I said above there is no wrong way of telling your story, do whatever you feel, and how you feel comfortable sharing.

*  Unique.  Each and every one of us is unique.  We all have our own story to tell, some might be similar, like I'm not the only girl to be molested by her grandfather (I'm sure I'm not the only one who's biological father molested her either)  but we are each unique.  The process that we have healed, the way we have overcome the abuse, and the people we are, all of that is unique to us.  The way we chose to express ourselves is unique.  Don't feel that you have to fit into any mold, express your story your way!!

*  Silent NO Longer  and  I will Not be quiet both of these have the same message, I don't think I need to explain how I was told (and most victims) to not tell anyone what was happening, and that I wouldn't be socially accepted if I did tell.  I'm here to say, that my voice will be heard! I was silent long enough, kept my secrets, and we shouldn't have to!

*  I am Not ashamed, my abuser should be shamed.   Victims often feel shamed of the abuse they went through (I know I did) but that's not right!  We should not feel shame for what happened to us!  Our abusers, they should be publicly shamed, and everyone should know who hurt them!

*  #EndAbuse  and #RaiseAwareness this is our goal each year, we want to End abuse by raising awareness.  You can help us do that!


BE A VOICE!!  Take Back The Night happens nation wide, usually in April, find your local TBTN and find out how you can Be a Voice and share!  Please join us and let's accomplish our goal #EndAbuse

I should also note that it's not just for survivors, but those who love(d) a victim.  There are sadly those who have died. and if you want to share their story and your pain, I've seen people do that.  Talk to someone about sharing.



***Update***
Final flyer made thought I'd share it:

Others who are speaking out

As I hope you know by now, my blog here is to help other victims, and survivors of abuse.  I want to raise awareness and help others.  This blog is my own way of healing, it's therapy for me, but I've been finding more inspiration, hope, encouraging words and seeing other people's stories now and I'm so happy that other's are sharing, that they are always out to help support survivors and encourage victims to get help and that there is a brighter future.  I want to share with you links to these pages and I hope that they all help you!

A wonderful person to follow on Instagram, she's such an inspiring and intelligent young woman and is always posting something about awareness, something to inspire and lift, and shares her story.  I love following her and seeing the great work she does.  Check out her Instagram and follow her here: http://instagram.com/nomoresexualassault/

***Note to @nomoresexualassault Thank you so much for all you've been doing <3 Keep up the great work!!

There are many others on Instagram also working to raise awareness here are a couple more that I follow and think are so great (I'm sure there are many more that I don't know about yet...please comment them below so that I can follow them)

http://instagram.com/themotivatedmother  Thank you for your wonderful post, they are so powerful!  

http://instagram.com/mettlechild   There's only 6 post on this page, but I'm hoping for more and I think they will do great things!

http://instagram.com/ladyvivienrose  Thank you.  There's some strong images and quotes on LadyVivenRose's instagram, wonderful job!!

This next website had an ad in this year's Superbowl! I thought it was great! I just found their page thanks to the instagram and they have a great message about speaking out and ending abuse http://nomore.org/

Here is a website and blog where this woman shares how she Overcame Sexual Abuse, very inspiring and powerful, if you need more reason to check out this site she has a badge on there of being one of the 2013 Top Ten Abuse Survivor Sites by GoodThreapy.Org  http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/

http://survivorstothrivers.com/  This is such a wonderful site!  It has something for everyone who needs support, encouragement, inspiration, facts.  This is one you will want to bookmark!

As always I find a lot of positive messages, quotes, images, and inspiration from Pinterest

I hope this helps and that you all check out the links I gave you.  Feel free to comment more or send me a private email with the link  mystory2share2@gmail.com


More to Follow on Instagram:
ambertheactivist
andthenshespokeup
casacgs
poeticchurch
WC_Respect
projectemancipation

(sorry I didn't put links to them in but they should come up in "search"

Happy Valentines Day *Love yourself * Love others *Love Life

Happy Valentine's Day,
I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and either getting spoiled by someone, or spoiling yourself!  Love should be in the air everyday...and it starts with yourself.  We have today to celebrate love, and according to ads and TV, and cards and all that crap you have to be with someone and celebrate your relationship....that's not what it's all about,,,,it's about celebrating love.

Self Love

Family Love

Love of Friends

Love of Life

We have a day that celebrates Mothers, and Fathers, and giving Thanks, and for our freedom...today let's remember what love means.  And not just in a relationship but in our everyday lives.

If you've lost sight of this or are alone and sad today here are some images I found on Google that I hope help.

For your bad days

Everyone has bad days...those days when you're mind is in a dark place, when you can't push the thoughts away, when you feel like you're falling apart and the pieces will leave scares for all to notice.
I can't fix this, no one can take the memories away, but I saw this on nomoresexualassault Instagram and I hope that it helps.

On those bad days, when you feel lost and alone, pull this up and know that you are not alone.  There are so many others out there that know how you feel that have been in your shoes, and there are a lot out there suffering in silence.
Let's break that silence.  Share this image with everyone so that they know that they are not alone.

Things will get better.  Life does get better.  There is GOOD in this world.

Please seek help if you need it!!

And if you're sharing your story, and posting quotes and images like this one...THANK YOU!  Thank you so much for all that you're doing to help victims and survivors and raising awareness.  You are truly a ray of sunlight with the word hope in it, you brighten the dark places, ease some of the pain.  You are inspiring, and strong, and helping more than we could tell you.

Sex Trafficking...

On January 23 I wrote asking you if you could to tune it to watch Nightline.  Sadly I'm far from perfect and fell asleep by 10:30 and never caught the show but I've finally gotten to watch the full episode online and have done some research....

It's really sad the ugly scene that was shown that is happening all over America (and not just here but world wide) that young girls who feel so alone or just want to feel special fall victim to sex trafficking.

I've always stood against prostitution....I'm a germ-a-phobe I couldn't and can't understand how someone would pay money to have sex with someone who just had sex with who knows how many guys before you?  It's a quick way to catch an STD if you ask me.

After watching the Nightline special and looking at some other stats and pages I really feel bad for these girls.  They are picked up young at a vulnerable age when they are trying to escape their abuse, foster care, are homeless, or just looking for attention.  They are promised things that they want.  Last year at TBTN they talked about girls getting picked up because the "pimps" would pose as a boyfriend buying the girl pretty things and then slowly after having the girl feel like they were in love then they would turn the tables and the relationship would change to one of abuse, and how the guy needed money so the he'd find ways for the girl to earn money for him.

You can find a lot of info in the links below but I'd like to highlight a few facts for you.

The average age girls are corrupted into sex trafficking is between 12-14

Women are forced to sleep with anywhere between 20-40 different people per day

Victims of sex trafficking are the same as victims of sexual abuse (most have a history of abuse in some form) and don't think of themselves as victims, lack trust and don't seek help.  (For more about this check Myths & Misconceptions)

The pimps picking up these girls are smooth talkers who know what to say and promise the girls to make them go with them.

Young girls and women are NOT the only ones who are picked up and used, young boys can be as well.  Let us not forget this.

As a mother myself I'm terrified of losing my girls, I'm very protective of them.  I don't want them to go through what I did and I don't want them to run away and fall victim to this ugly scene of sex trafficking.

Here are some links for you to watch, read, and learn more info about sex trafficking.
(again) the episode of Nightline with Diane Swayer
A Path Appears
Enslaved in America: Sex Trafficking in the United States  An Essay By Tina Frundt
What Modern Day Slavery Looks like in America by Business Insider
Sex Trafficking Statistics from the Covering House
The FBI website about Human Trafficking
National Human Trafficking Resource Center


Now with all those scary stats and stories and info in our face...I first want to thank everyone who shared their story and took a stand, and to everyone who is working to bring light to this and shove it in the public's faces.  It takes a lot of courage to share your story and start life over again, and it takes a lot of people knowing about something to put an end to it.

With that it then brings up the question of how to end this?  I think the documentary A Path Appears is on the right path, that there is a solution to all these huge problems that they discuss we as the public as a nation just have to care enough to stand up and figure it out.

Personally (again I'm no expert) but what I think....we have to prevent these girls from falling victim.  They said most come from broken homes or foster care....I don't know how to end that....but we somehow have to make sure young women know that they can become anything that they are loved, to love themselves first, and that there is a good future ahead if you work hard towards it.
Love is a powerful tool.  The promise of love can make someone do crazy things....what if they already know love before they feel the need to go out and find it?  I Love You.  Three simple words, every parent should tell their kids, let them know that no matter what they do you will always love them.
I think this is a good start.
I also think that men should wake up and stop buying sex. Really guys do you not worry about STDs? Are you not grossed out by the thought of how many other guys have been there before?  Are you not disgusted with yourself for paying for sex?
Just like in every other aspect of sales it's supply and demand....the demand is what drives everything.  If there is no demand then there is no sale....what if men stop the demand?  Then there will be no need for prostitution.
What if there was an ad on a billboard or TV that showed a picture of a girl at age 5, then again at 13 then again at 25 and the caption read, "she's your little girl how would you feel if she was taken and sold for sex?" would guys be so quick to buy it then?


I really don't like that I sound like a man hater here...I am not.  I love my husband and I know that not all men are like this...but there is enough men buying sex that prostitution is still going on today.  I also know that men can be victims of abuse as well...I'm not here to attack anyone I just want to raise awareness and end all forms of abuse....and sex trafficking is abuse.

In the News TONIGHT!!

I never did get the chance to post a blog about sex trafficking like I had said I would last year.  I am sorry (I was without internet or a computer) but now that I'm back I want to share what I saw an ad for this morning on Good Morning America...

Diane Sawyer is doing a special about exposing how sex trafficking is happening here in America, young girls are being picked up and sold and used, here in our country.  Last year I learned that it's happening in small towns too not just big cities.

Image taken from Google Images.  Image credit will go to this site that it was credited on on Google

Tune in tonight to watch the specials 

First up World News Tonight will air a clip

Then watch the full report with Diane Sawyer on Nightline tonight at 12:35 AM ET (that would be 9:30 PM PT)

And they said they will be airing a clip on Good Morning America Monday morning.

Links:
What is Sex Trafficking?
About the Special report with Diane Sawyer on Sex Trafficking
Facts and Questions on Sex Trafficking
National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month 2015

Support the victims and survivors (views on how society reacts)

I watch The View often and they've been talk a lot about "the Bill Cosby allegations" and how terrible it is for him to be accused of rape and how what if it's true and what if it's not.  I have to do a shout out to Rosie O - She's doing a great job talking and advocating for victims of sexual abuse - THANK YOU!!  She's handing out facts and I really want to applaud her for that.

I am really upset with the whole "I don't think he really did it," "The women are lieing," "I need proof,: and all that crap!  All those quotes and debate are hurtful, for me personally having been told (by Jim) that if I ever told anyone what he was doing that I wouldn't be believed
"who would believe a child with a past already over a respected community member with a good lawyer?" he would say.

I've had a few thoughts going on since they started talking about the "allegations" on TheView and now I'd like to share them with you...

1.) There is NOT always proof.  I wasn't raped - I was molested, touched, made to strip and sit naked for his view.  Yes, rape you can prove with a rape kit, but understand that not always do rape victims run right to get help - why? Because there's shame and guilt that society puts on them - fear and a multitude of other reasons.

2.) "Crying Wolf" - I don't see how any woman could lie about going through any sexual violence.  I know some have - I've heard of women lieing in custody battles and read Gone Girl where the female character framed an innocent man for rape (and more) but she was physco.  That all makes me so angry.  Every time someone cries wolf on something like that it hurts us all.  It sets what we are trying to do back so much because now that's what's in peoples minds how do we know she's telling the truth, there was that one woman who lied and they ruined an innocent man.  Don't LIE!  It really just end up hurting everyone else, we as women need to protect one another and crying wolf just places doubt in people's mind because with every time a woman lies about sexual violence towards her it makes them want more proof and as I just said, there is not always proof.

3.) Why is it that people assume that by telling your story that you are after your 15minutes of fame?? Really? Fame from rape (or whatever other abuse they've gone through)? No!  I believe the women telling their story about Bill Cosby are women just like me and they just want truth and they carried this around with them in shame and fear for years.
When I came out about Jim's abuse to me they asked if I wanted to sue or anything - No I didn't want his money nor do I want Rick's.  I knew when I moved out and spoke out about my abuse I'd lose my inheritance.  I gave up everything money wise to live a happy life where I wasn't the victim anymore.  Do you want to know what I "lost"? 1/4 million dollars inheritance, (Jim died about 2years after I moved out of the house), my own piece of land and house I was always told I'd inherit, a walk-in closet and my own bathroom in the house we were living in, college tuition (or so they always said they would pay at least)
Yeah I didn't get any of that - but I didn't (nor do I) want it! It was all tainted with dirty strings attached.  I gained so much more by moving out and even more with sharing my story.
Moving out I escaped the fear and dark depression I had.  I gained freedom and privacy.  I no longer had to worry about what I was going to deal with at home.  I gained safety, and LOVE.  Yeah I had to share a bedroom, no longer had a closet and had to share one bathroom with 5 other people, but I got the chance to be a kid (well teenager), have friends, sleepovers, and be happy.  and I stopped hurting.  I no longer wanted to cut or burn myself.
By sharing my story- it's a big release.  I had this ball of secretes, shame, fear of what people would think, all inside me and it tugged unknowingly at every part of me.  When I shared my story publicly it was like that ball loosened a bit and once I began to admit what I went through and talk more that ball kept unraveling and I gained confidence, I gained hope and strength and a dream or 2.  Enough about me....back to my thought about sexual abuse in the headlines....

4.) Why are the victims accused of being in the wrong here??  This one makes me mad.  I already wrote one blog about no matter what a person is wearing NO MEANS NO, so you know I'm not wasting my "breath" on repeating myself there answering the "well what was she wearing?" questions.  But it seems that there are so many other accusing questions and comments that come up
How'd you get yourself in this situation?
 She shouldn't have drunk so much! 
Were you leading him on?
Someone on the View on January 8th said something that struck out so good to me so I'm going to share...
If 26 people said they were mugged we wouldn't be asking if they were telling the truth or what they were wearing or how they let that happen to themselves, so why is it that that's what society does to sexual assault victims?
It's not right and this needs to change!
Before I move on to the next thing that has struck a cord I want to touch on the drinking and drugged part....
We can't shame women by blaming rape on them since they drank too much that night.  No.  Men and Women both drink to the point of black outs in movies, books, TV shows, and in real life.  I think it happens to everyone at least once.  I am NOT condoning excessive drinking - I'm just being honest.  I, personally, have been drunk, to the point of throwing up more times than I'd like to admit.  It took me a long time to learn my limit - and even after that there was a least one time that my drinks hit me harder than normal.
Just because a woman is under the influence of drugs or Alcohol  does not mean it's OK to take advantage of her - and she did not bring rape on herself by drinking.  Men need to be gentlemen and get her help.
If you have a drug or Alcohol  problem please seek help.

5.) "I can't believe he did it." Denial.
Just because someone is a son/husband/father/teacher/famous/wealthy or whatever word you want to insert here.  No matter what "he" is - does not mean that he didn't commit the crime he's accuse of.
Rick and Jim were both: fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, bus drivers, company owners, and well off.  Jim was also respected in the community and had political friends.  They both molested me.  5years of age or younger daughter to Rick, that didn't matter.  And Jim waited until I was older but I was his granddaughter.
I might have been their only victim....I don't know....but they still did it, it happened.

I did not watch the full interview with Katie Couric and Stephen Collins to hear all the details about what he did to young girls.  I liked watching 7th Heaven growing up - but just because he played a good father figure doesn't mean I don't believe what he said is true.Child molesters, rapest and those who fall anywhere in between are good actors - They know how to act "normal," they will fool everyone around them.  I know - I lived through it.  I've seen it! 
Bill Cosby was the "American Dad" - SO What?!?  That doesn't mean he didn't commit the crimes he's accused of.  not only that but that was a role he played.
I'm sorry to scare you - but the truth is, sadly, there are real monsters who live among us and you can't pick them out from the crowd unless you've been a victim at their hand.  You might think you know your boss, co-worker, neighbor, favorite actor, best friend, and even spouse - but do you really?  They can keep their secrets and fool everyone.

I hope that justice in some for comes about, I know there's statues of limitations but people have power and with the truth out there we can stand behind the victims and survivors and make a change!!

Links used in this blog for quick access:
The View
Rosie O against her Co Host on The View (advocating for and defending victims of abuse)
Gillian Flynn's website (author of the book Gone Girl which I mentioned)
Link to The Huffington Post with videos sharing the Women's stories
The full Episode of The View on January 8th on YouTube from which I got a lot of my inspiration behind this post
Katie Couric and Stephen Collins on Yahoo
Stephen Collins 20/20
7th Heaven on TV guide
CDC website with facts on sexual violence