TBTN 2019....Words

Words,

They are all around us.

We use them everyday without much thought.

These words, whether spoken, read or overheard have set definitions, yet, they all mean something different to each of us.

Some words impact us. 

They alter the way we view things, how we think, and how we feel.

They can have the impact of a speeding bullet. They hit us like a hard punch to the gut.  They leave us in pain and feeling vulnerable.

We all have our own negative words.

A painful memory attached to it.  Maybe a label you were given, something you heard over and over again.

I'll share some of mine with you:

Childhood: 

                That time of innocence in life when most learning and growth occurs.  But for me, childhood is that time in my life when I learned about betrayal (not that I knew that word then).  A time of abuse, guilt, shame and loneliness. 

The names linked to my abusers.  

The labels I heard many times:

     Fat.       

Stupid.

The words that I was told that stay with me....Words I'm constantly fighting against...

"You're too stupid to be a teacher."

"You're never going to amount to anything."

I had words to describe how I felt:
Alone
Shame
Embarrassed
Worthless
Abandoned
Used
Scared
Depressed
Suicidal
Useless
Abuse
Confused

The good news is that other words that surround us have a much different effect on us.
These words thaw us like an Indian Summer Day in the middle of a harsh winter.
They embrace us like a long needed hug from a best friend.
Their impact is like that of a delicate flower planted; something that has to be constantly watered and tended to or it will wither away...

I don't know why those negative words overpower the positive...that the negative is easier to believe.

We have to make the conscious decision to see, hear, find and believe the positive.

I have a small activity to help with this.
Grab two pieces of paper and a pen

On the first paper write a word or words that are negative to you.
I want you to now [aloud] read that list and take the power away from each word...
"I am not _____"
"I will not allow _____ to affect me"
And tear up the paper, tear apart each negative word.  Toss it in the fire, or the trash.

Now on the other paper write your positive words.
I want you to say them each out loud.  Acknowledge them. Affirm yourself with them

I'll share some of mine with you:

Smart/Books
I am smart.  I'm a voracious reader.  I enjoy learning and gaining new information.  I am happy to be surrounded by books full of possibilities.

Survivor.
I'm a survivor.

I'm going to side track for a moment and share a quick story that shows why this list of positive words is important.  Why these affirmations might help.

I was recently at an vent and was approached by an older couple and they talked about this and that what I was working on because I was writing.  I shared that I was trying to write children's books.  They asked what the books were about and I said kindness. Then the conversation got weird the guy asked about my past and what my parents thought of this, and where they were and as I tried to skirt these questions he kept insisting on asking about my parents, I finally said, "They aren't in my life."
The guy goes "Ya know, I could tell just by looking at you that you had a rough past, but ya know society, I couldn't just come out and tell you that."
That floored me.  Who says that to someone?  And just how did I "look like someone who had a rough past"?  I was dressed nice and volunteering my time at this event. Also you cannot tell who has gone through what just on how they look!  But I let that get to me, I felt like my "victim, abused" label was on the outside of me visible to the world.

Our labels aren't on the outside.  Labels are something that we have been told, called, or felt so many times that we then start to believe it.  I almost labeled myself victim again that day.  I was reminded of that confused 6 year old, the 9 year old who was told no to talk about it.  I learned to start saying "I don't know" to answer the other kids questions about why I didn't have a dad like everyone else; instead of saying he's in jail, because that wasn't allowed.  I was once again the 13 year old who desperately wanted to talk to someone, for someone to know what was going on inside my house - what my grandfather did when no one else was around.  I was that 15 year old again fighting to move out and not give up on life.

But you know what?  

I survived all that.  

 I fought and won my life.

I'm no longer the victim I was in my childhood and adolescences.  

I'm a survivor!

Now I have some word I want you to add to your positive list if they aren't already there.

Strong

Brave

Good Enough

Light

Strong:

We are each strong.  Look at what we've gone through.  Even being a supporter takes strength.  We have seen and gone through hell and survived and kept living.

Brave.

Each person who spoke tonight, 

Every person who has come forward and told someone what happened

Everyone who has said #metoo

Everyone who has taken a stand

and

Each person who got help - who had the strength to ask for help...

All those things takes extreme amounts of courage that someone who hasn't gone through it won't ever know how brave you are to do each thing.

Good Enough.

This is a hard one for me.  I never feel like I'm good enough.  I have failed many times, but I've been learning that failing and falling are part of success and that you only fail if you give up.  So I'm reminding myself [and each of you] 

that after all we've gone through we deserve to achieve our dreams.

You are good enough to go after your dreams.

You deserve to be happy, and to know happiness!

Light.

Odd word for the list, right?

Take Back the Night is about us standing together to heal, empower, and educate - 

together we are light.  

We are shining bright tonight.

We are shining light to anyone who many be in the dark,

going through dark times

we hope our stories reach them 

and give them light.

We are a beacon for those to come forward,

get help and heal.

We stand together tonight to be a light of hope for the future.

As I leave you tonight I want to leave you with this....

Words, they surround us.  Be careful which words you feed, which words you take in and which words you let out because...

Words have power

Words hurt

Words heal

Words Can EMPOWER