Bad Days and taking the Power Back

We all have our bad days.  We have days when nothing seems to be going right, we have days where we are just depressed, and then sometimes we have a great start to our day and something happens and it ruins our mood.

Today, was one of the those days, a day I've been looking forward to and super excited about, had a great morning, and then someone said something and it got in my head and ruined that good mood I had.  Since then I allowed myself a breakdown and have been working on building up and getting my power back.

Let me share with you the whole story:

I jumped out of bed this morning, I've been busy all month long but I was looking forward to today!  My oldest went off to school while my little one and I got loaded up and went to the library, we met an author and had some really good conversations.
On my way home, I stopped to get gas and was approached by someone I had recently met while with my husband.  He came up to me with a wave and asked me what my first name was again. So I told him my first name, maybe people don't remember it or have a hard time processing that that's a real name.  Anyway he goes on and says "I thought I knew you from somewhere else did you grow up in Greentown?"
Close enough, my high school covered a large area so yeah I knew people from there even tho I lived about 40 minutes or so from there.  "Hawley area." I responded
"Oh your dad is Big Rick then?"
As you know from my post Names that his name is Rick so I responded with, "Yeah, I guess."
"He's a big guy." he goes on to puff out his arms to show large.
"I don't really know, he went to jail and I don't know him." I said.  I figured that was the easiest way out of this conversation I didn't want to be in any longer.  I don't know why I didn't just say "He's a convicted child molester so since he abused me I don't know him and don't want to associate with anyone who does.  Maybe it's because I was uncomfortable, I didn't know this person, and for all I know he could be thinking of someone else.
"Oh well my wife was so-and-so, You had a sister right?"
"I'm sorry I don't know, and I don't think so, but I gotta get going."

I drove off shaken.  It was such a odd conversation and make me feel so weird.  I continued on in a foggy mind of my own and then went home where I made lunch and finally confronted my issues and cried.  Now I'm writing my issues out...

I hate that I let that conversion affect me.  I hate that thinking about my abuse and abuser still sends fear, and a feeling of powerlessness over me.  What bothered me the most, I realized is that Rick is out there and doesn't have to be labeled, people can meet him and not know what is he or what he's done, that for all I know hell I could have a sister.  I sure as hell hope that's not the case, and I doubt it is, but that thought scares me.

I was mad that someone could talk about Rick (my abuser) like he was a normal person.  I feel that way a lot.  I've had people mention Jen and Jim to me before.  These people don't really know me and I always feel awkward.   I've even once had someone ask me how they were.
 I think that this feeling of anger and awkwardness at the mention of our abusers and hearing people talk about them as people is something that is common to us survivors.  We don't view them as people anymore.  Myself I wish they were gone, or that people saw them through my eyes.  I have mentioned before that I wish all pedophiles and rapist had to wear a label so they were dehumanized.  This might seem wrong, but in our shoes these people have failed at being a person.  They have failed those who had laid trust in their hands, they have failed at treating others as people.  We had become objects to them, objects they used and abused.  They made us feel like we were less than others therefore we (I) want them to feel that way and be viewed as such.  The problem with this is that as awful as their actions are/were they are still people, they are someone's brother (or sister- I think we forget that women can be abusers) they are were someone's friend, spouse, member of the church, they were/are someone who was/is known in the community, they are/were someone's son/daughter.

To show this I will use my own story, one that was told to me....
My Uncle and I had a couple heart to heat moments when he lived across the street from me when I lived with Jen and Jim.  I loved him, for all his flaws and troubles he had, I loved him.  I loved him because he didn't hold back from me when we were hanging out, he talked to me not as a child to be sheltered but as a person.  He is the one that told me when Rick was back around our farm, and told me that that was why sometimes Jen would do the chores for me.  He had my respect for having told me this info that I wasn't to know.  He made me aware of a situation, I kept my eyes open, I had trouble sleeping at night, but I knew.  Anyway back to his story...
He told me of the night he learned about what had happened to me.  "Rick told me that you had been touched and there was an investigation.  I grabbed my gun and said 'Let's go kill this guy' and started to head out for the truck, when Rick stopped him and said "That guy is me."  Rick was his brother.  He said he and thought about shooting him, even started to raise the gun.  But he couldn't.  He told me it messed with his head.  He dropped out (or failed) college and got even heaver into drugs then he had been. 

Rick had been a brother, a son, a business partner, and known in the community.  I've shared before how Jen blamed and viewed me as the person who's fault it was that her son went to jail.

Anyway back to my story today....With all these thoughts in my mind I was a bit of a mess.  Then I thought to a workshop I'd recently went to that was Taking Back Your Power, this workshop was not at all dealing with sexual abuse or anything of the sort.  It was breathing and taking back your classroom of those students who have negative behavior and changing to positive.  During this workshop the instructor told us how our past experiences reflect onto words others say so we make those words have different meanings than they have.  His theory is "No one can make you upset; you choice to be upset."  I did not like this theory.  As much as I didn't like this theory I kept thinking about it today... I let this ONE thing effect my whole day.  I was in a GREAT mood before, then from that one conversation my mind went to the negative and settled there.  I LET my mood and day be altered.  So I started to re think the conversation, that guy I don't know, probably doesn't know me.  Rick is a common name, he could have been thinking of someone totally different.  Because of my bad experience I related my experience to the words he was saying and they very well could have had not a damn thing to do with me.  Also I had just stepped back into victim, I felt powerless.  I am not powerless, I am in charge of my life, and I take my power back every time I speak out against abuse, each time I tell someone you are not alone, and I take a hell of a lot of power back when I speak and share my story.  They can't keep you down when you don't keep quiet.  I could have switched that whole conversation around by saying "Richard Davis?  He is a convicted child molester, and of no relation to me, (say that because I don't want to be related, we can't chose biology but we can chose who we claim) and if you are friends with him you can get the hell away from me because someone who takes advantage of children is no longer a person in my eyes."  Had I approached the question from that direction it would have cleared up exactly who he was talking about and given me all the power making known what Rick did and the type of "person" he is.

So I started to think about that...then from the same instructor I did some breathing and decided that nothing about me changed today...I was doing great, so now I needed to work through this and move on.  I thought it over, I could have said "no" when I was asked about "my dad" because I don't have one, Rick is dead to me, while he isn't in reality I have moved on and I have a good life. 

So for anyone who is having a bad day allow yourself to have a break down, we all need to yell, vent, and cry at times.  We also need to laugh, smile, and enjoy life.  So we need to go from break down to moving forward...
1. acknowledge how you are feeling, and why
2. let it out (yell, cry, vent, write, whatever it is that is going to get it all out of you)
3. breath (I will post some links at the bottom if you're interested in focused breathing)
4. acknowledge the positive in your life (make a list if you want)
5. go do something that will make you feel more like you and start feeling better
6. one foot in front of the other, from doing that one thing in step 5, do another or something that is on your to-do list

I wish you all healing.

Some links you might find of interest:
The instructor that I mentioned above, he did 2 amazing workshops which I learned a ton from, about breathing, movement, and he has a Breaking the Bullying Circle which is important, for more info about him and his programs visit: www.ronspeak.com

Take deep belly breathing breaths with this video to help calm and center yourself

Journal page to help you recognize the good stuff

Healing

I saw this post and thought it would be a great one to share with everyone here.  It spoke so much to me. 
I know I felt damaged for a while from the abuse I had gone through, and that I was so different from the rest of the world because of it.  I was always quite and alone.  Once I finally moved out of the abusive household and in with the other half of my family who encouraged me to go out and make friends and have a life I was still different but I began healing and I got the help that I needed and now I no longer allow my past abuse to control my life.  Instead I want it to push me forward, to better myself emotionally, mentally, and socially.  I want to help other people overcome their bad past, I might not have a perfect life but I'm determined to keep trying to better my life.  My past is always behind me, reminding me of what I had gone through during my childhood and I use it to make sure my children have it better. 

Healing is a process.  It takes time, and it takes support.  I'm lucky I had and still have such wonderful support, for now I don't live in constant fear or submission. 

Never would have known...

"I would have never known that you went through that"

"You couldn't tell that you went through that"

"I would have never guessed..."

"You turned out so well..."

"I'm surprised at how you handle yourself...."

 

 

These are all things I've heard over the years and I don't know why but it

 

surprises me that people say some of them. You can't tell what a person has

 

gone through just by looking at them. Only physical abuse leaves marks. In

 

talking to someone, unless they tell you, you don't know what they've gone

 

through and keep secrete. Even people who you've known for years could harbor

 

dark details that you wouldn't have known about until they open up and tell you.

 

I know my family didn't know about what my grandfather was doing to me until I

 

told first my boyfriend at the time, then my counselor, then had to tell my

 

family about it...I was 17 at that point...and was already out of that house and

 

abuse. People wouldn't have known if I didn't say anything....so you can't tell

 

just by looking, knowing, or even talking to a person what they've gone

 

through.

 

Sexual, mental, and emotional abuse don't leave marks for people to see.

 

They leave permant lasting marks on the victims' memories, mind, and self image

 

most of the time. And these marks will never fully heal. Physical abuse does

 

the same thing to a person, only the physical marks will heal. Now I did say

 

that one will never fully heal from abuse, and it's true, but there's a lot of

 

healing that will happen in time, and with help and support.

 

Everyone copes with their abuse in different ways, and to stereotype that

 

everyone who has been abuse will have problems with drugs, drinking, or violence

 

is wrong. I'm very lucky in that I don't battle any of these problems. I

 

remember being told by my uncle who was raised by the same abusive grandparents

 

that once I was out of that house I would go off to college and party like crazy

 

and do all the drugs out there. That's what he did. I don't know what he went

 

through at all, he never told me much more than that my grandparents had gotten

 

soft, they were much harder on him. I think it also didn't help him when he

 

learned what his brother had done to me when I was so young. I loved my uncle

 

dearly. I was really caught off guard when I found out that he had committed

 

suicide.

 

I don't know for sure but since his father and brother both molested me maybe he had gone through something in that house at a young age as well. I don't know. Statistically speaking it's a good chance he was abused as well. I always thought and really believe that I was the only one hurt by my grandfather.

 

People are good at hiding things when they really don't want others to know something. Abuse isn't only for the people who are poor or doing drugs or it can happen to anyone no matter what their lifestyle could have been abused, or could be being abused. It doesn't matter how they look, or act. You just don't know.

 

So if someone tells you that they've been abused don't say "I would have never known" but try I'm sorry to hear, or if you can relate tell them that you know what it's like and share your story and be a friend who they can talk to.

 

Now when I was going through the abuse and my life was crazy and I was still in school and getting help I was told by my counselor how well I was handling everything and that helped. It helped to hear that I was doing good and she told me how strong I was. To say those things to someone who is being abused or just got out of an abusive home that will help, just let them know they are strong, doing good, and even when they feel like they are falling apart by telling them they are handling everything well will make them feel better. At least it did me.

 

Maybe that's why I didn't get into drugs bad or try to drink away my problems...just to know that someone cares and loves you can make all the difference. I was lucky to have had that in my teachers, counselors, and my family who was there for me and took me in.

The Perks Of Being a Wallflower (the movie)

A note before I start. I don't want to ruin or spoil the movie for anyone. It is a great movie so please if you haven't seen it yet then stop reading NOW and go watch it, then come back and read if you wish as I'm sure this entry will make more sense after watching the movie.

　

***Read on only if you've seen the movie***

 

I am so happy I was able to rent The Perks of Being a Wallflower from my local library and got to watch it.

I always find it hard to watch a movie or show that brings up childhood abuse or rape. I wasn't raped but the feeling that come with watching that are really hard to deal with. Everytime my chest gets tight, I often feel like hiding somewhere, I remember how I felt, and I always feel ashamed and like everyone around me can tell that I was that kid in the movie. I don't know if everyone feels that way...I never ask, I've never told how thoses scenes make me feel. I'd describe it a panic or anziity attack. And it always makes me uncomfortable to watch when there's a lot of people in the room, espically if I do cry or really freak out over my flood of feelings from the past. It does usually help to have my husband near to comfort me. Even though this is how I feel I still think it's important to have movies, and TV shows, and books that adress childhood abuse. It's important to make other uncomfortable, and to show them that this really does happen.

For me writing helps me sort out my feeling or to overcome emotions. It helps me to let it all out...and I can't let it out by talking. Talking about the way I feel has always been very hard for me even in coucling so I've always written...it is 12:15 in the morning and after watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower I had so much on my mind that I had to get it out. I hope to write and be done so that I can get some sleep tonight. Just a little side note for other survivors or victems, do whatever it takes for your feeling to be out there. Now back to relating to the movie...

I guesse now it a good time to relate to the main charater, Charlie. I could relate to him right off the bat. He kept a type of diary, writing letters to a Dear Friend, talking about what was comming up and how he was feeling just then, but never once did he mention abuse in the letters. He was a wallflower, a loner, and he was scared and nervous. He got close to a teacher, who probably didn't know it but helped him out, and encouraged his writing and education. He said in the begining of the movie how he went all summer without talking to anyone outside of his family. I knew just how he was feeling for that was me, all throughout school. I didn't make friends easily, but was really close to teachers. There were a few who were really helped me. I had friends in school but none that I was really really close to, and not one that I talked to over breaks. Jen and Jim kept me very issolated from everyone. Every year at the begining of the school year I'd wonder who would want to talk to me. It didn't bother me, I didn't mind sitting back and listening. I loved school it was my safe-haven from my home life where I could never do anything right and had to wonder if Jim was going to try to see me naked or touch me. I always kept a diary, although I never mentioned any abuse I was going through. I didn't start writing about my abuse or feelings over it until I was getting counceling from VIP.

By the end of the movie you learn about the molestation he had gone through, although you would have never known. Since I had watched this movie after reading "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" I picked up on the big sign of the aunt telling him "our little secret" about getting him a gift. Other than that you wouldn't have known about what was going on, until they show you. I will encourage all parents now to get the book "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" as it goes through steps in teaching your children to protect themselves one of which is your family has no secrets, and it also has a checklist for you to ask yourself about anyone that's around your kids.

He says that one of the hardest days is when he was getting help the doctor had to tell his parents what had happened to him, and how hard it was on everyone. Having gone through that not only once but twice, I can tell you it's extremely hard! Childhood sexual abuse doesn't only effect the child, but once everyone around, just in a different way. My family told me that they feel like they should have known, and sometimes blame themselves for what happened to me. It's hard to come to terms with that someone you know, someone that is part of your family would do such a thing to a child, to your child, one who you thought was safe. Parents wouldn't leave their kids alone with someone who they didn't think the kids wouldn't be safe with, so the abuse always comes as a big surprise. It was hard for me at a young age of 5 or so to tell my family the first time, espically since I didn't understand why they were making a big deal out of it or what was happening. The second time I had to tell people I was a grown teen of 17...and that was hard. I had to tell everyone that I had this big secret that I had kept and hidden for years. I think the movie did a great job at showing how hard it was on everyone to learn of what had happened, and to show how ackward it is after, how everyone feels uneasy. It's hard to get that emotion in a movie, but I think they did it well. I think it's easier for me to understand since I had gone through it.

The great thing for Charlie is that he made really great close friends who were there for him. And he had a very supporting family.

Just like in reality Charlie wasn't the only one to have suffered abuse, and I love how the writers go on to show that your friends don't turn their backs on you when they learn of your past.

Charlie's sister dates a guy through the movie and in one scene, and only one scene they show a fight between the two of them and he hits her. I've never been in a relationship like that but have had friends who have. I always said, and told my husband, if I was ever hit that would be the end of the relationship no matter what. I had my share of abuse growing up and I wouldn't and won't put up with it. I honestly don't understand why anyone would stay with someone who hits them or makes them feel bad. My one friend who I had learned that her boyfriend had hit her, when I told her to leave him and that she could do better, she made the excuse for him that she egged him on, it was only that one time, that she wouldn't stay if he hit her again, and that she had already invested too many years with him that she couldn't find anyone else and that she loved him. This same friend when set up with a great guy a few years before and went out on a date, told me that she couldn't date him because he was too nice for her and she didn't deserve that. It's really sad, and they say it in the movie, people go for and stay with what they feel they deserve. It's true, you do. I dated a lot of jerks and guys below me but there were 2 who really were good and showed me that I could date above the level I thought. One was my high school sweetheart who I dated for just under a year. He was supportive and the first one I told about what Jim had done to me. While we didn't stay together, him and I still remained close friend, and still are to this day. I'm very thankful to him for all the support he gave me. After we broke up, I went back to a low self estem and not dating anyone good. Finally my best friend at the time set me up on a blind date with the man who is now my husband. I really didn't think he'd want to stay with me, but he did, and he's turned my life around! So, if you're someone who is with someone who treats you poorly, just know that you deserve better, even if you don't think so, you do, you're worth more than you think!! I love how they show at the end of the movie the sister does leave her boyfriend and they show her happier without him.

Charlie's first relationship is with a girl he didn't really want to be with. I've been there too! He stayed with her because he felt bad for breaking up with her. There is no abuse in this relationship. He finally ends the relationship in an awful way. I really felt bad for the girl. It is never a good idea to stay in a relationship that you don't love the person your with. As a person who always wants people to be happy that's really hard to do. I know I dated a guy once who was sucidal. I didn't want to be with him, and had no feeling for him. I only said yes to going out with him because he got up the nerve to ask me out and I felt like I'd really hurt his feeling if I said no. Then once I learned about how he'd inflict self pain, I didn't want to break up with him for fear of him really hurting himself. It was a very awkward, and intense relationship. After dating only a week he told me that he loved me, and then at 2 weeks he told me that if I ever left him he'd kill himself. Wow. that makes it hard. I broke up with him finally after he had hurt himself and ended up in a mental hospital where he had called me. I figured at least there he was safe. I'm happy to say that the relationship in the movie wasn't like that, but it did remind me of that relationship I had. Relationships are hard and tricky, but you have to do what's best for you.

Charlie makes a great friend in Patrick, who is outwardly gay, but in a closed closet relationship. Patrick's boyfriend will not come out of the closet because he says his father will beat him, and when his father catches the two of them together he does. It comes out that the father started beating his son in front of Patrick. He didn't do anything to stop it and left. I feel really bad for both boys. I can't relate to them for lack of expierence here. I was only beat a few times, never in front of non family and never had to cover bruises. I feel for those who are gay and afraid of coming out. I wish people would stop judging and putting religion into it, they can believe whatever they want but 2 people who are of the same sex and want to be together aren't hurting anyone so why make them feel bad? I know as a mother, I would not turn my back on either of my girls if they told me they had a girlfriend. I think as a parent it's your job to be supportive. The sad thing about this abuse is that neither boy told anyone else, and neither of them got help. I don't care if their reason was that it only happened once, there is NO reason to beat a child, teen, person, like that. The dad should have gone to jail.

Through Patrick, Charlie meets Sam. He falls for her right away. One night she opens up about her first kiss being with her father's boss, when she was 11. She talks about how she was, we'll use the term lose, her freshman year. This too I can sadly relate to. While my family doesn't know, or well, didn't, if they read this they will and hope they don't think poorly of me. After finally getting out of Jen and Jim's house and given freedom, I had my first love, I mentioned him before. He was great to me, but when we broke up I felt like nothing. I was living with great family, but I lost all self respect. I slept around a bit until I met the man who is my husband. When you've been put down for so long, forced to undress, and be touched, it takes away your self esteem.

All of this makes the movie so powerful, heavy, and intense. I'm so happy that this movie brings up so many issues that I've had, and brings to light the topics of different kinds of abuse and how it effects people. I wasn't expecting any of that from the previews. The writers did a great job in while bringing to light such painful realities, really telling a full story, and kept you watching. They didn't go into full, hard to watch scenes of abuse, which makes it a lot easier to watch, when they did show any it was in a very short clip. Mostly the abuse it talked about, just like in reality, when friends finally open up and share with each other.

Thank you again to the writers, producers, and cast in this movie for doing such a wonderful job, and for bringing to light some many important matters!

A book that is a MUST for EVERY Parent!!

I told you in my last blog that this year at Take Back the Night I got to hear Norman E. Friedman speak about teaching our children to protect themselves from sexual abuse and how my mother bought me his book; well I have now read it all and really want to encourage every parent, grandparent, guardian, caregiver of children to get it and read it!! I didn't know this at the time but while they were selling the books at Take Back The Night 50% of all sales went towards VIP!! I think that is really great! I wish I had the money at the time to buy a copy for all of my friends and family! I would still love to do so as the book is something that teaches us how to teach our children how to protect themselves and to me you can't put a price on that!!

Even though I was molested as a young child on up through my teen years, and know how important it is to teach children the difference between right and wrong, I didn't know how to teach my daughter the normal good touch, bad touch. I didn't know where or how to start and just hoped that by being very protective over her that nothing would ever happen to her. I am so happy and thankful that I was given the book "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" I now know how to teach my girls about the "NO TOUCH ZONE", and things to do to help them protect themselves. The lessons in this book are something that every child should learn and every parent needs to teach in their homes!!

"Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" is a two part book. Part one is for parents, caregivers, or anyone who is responsible for a child's safety is any way. It talks about how to pick up on signs of a predator and gives you some facts to many of the common myths about childhood sex abuse. These facts ring very true and are scary. There is also a letter in the book that was written by a child molester to Ann Landers which goes on to tell how a person who is a child molester is never "cured" and how you wouldn't be able to tell him/her apart from anyone else in a crowd. I have never believed that a person can be "cured." I've had friends who have had boyfriends who have hit them and they think that they can "fix" the guy, but I've never seen it happen. Now I've never gone back to see my father and have no desire to, but I'll tell you one thing I don't think his 5 or 7 years in jail did anything! I would never let my children around anyone who has been convicted or even suspected of hurting a child!!

Part two of the book is the most valuable part of the book, in my opinion. This part of the book goes on to tell the parent how to teach children how to keep themselves safe. And it starts with teaching children from age 18months up. The way Mr. Friedman writes the steps and lessons is easy to understand and makes a lot of sense. After reading the book, it seems like common sense but yet it's not how many of us think of things.

Please if you're a parent, or know someone who will become a parent/gaurdian then go out and get the book "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" It's a book that you can't put a value on having and learning the information, take it from someone who has gone through childhood sexual abuse, it's something you never want any other child to go through and while my life is now good it's something that stays with you forever. I'd do anything I could to make this world a world in which no child would ever know the pain that I have; a world in which every child grew up safe and innocent.

I want to take a moment now to send out my biggest "Thank You" to Norman E. Friedman. Thank you for writing this book!! I'm sure it has helped many parents, families, and children. I know it's one of my most valued books for teaching me how to protect my daughters from facing the same hurt I've had in my past. My mother when she bought it for me said, "It may be 25 years too late for me but it's not for you." I know my family wishes they had the book 25 years ago but the fact of my abuse is that I don't know if it was something that could have been prevented as it was done before I was 5 years of age, by my own father, the one person in the world who should do everything possible to protect you was the one who hurt me. I don't know the reason, I assume money, but for whatever reason my father's parents got coustidy of me, even if my mother, aunt and rest of the family had read the book there was so much fear in my grandparents house that I would never had told anyone. And I didn't tell anyone of what was happeneing until after I was out of the house. I don't think anyone ever would think that the person they married, loved and had children with would ever hurt thier children in that way, parents are supose to be protective! I think that Norman's book should be a staple given out at hospitals after given birth. I think that it's lessons and "instruction manual" gives ways to help children protect themselves and a way for them to feel safe and tell parents about anything that is going on with them. Norman, with what I've gone through, and I know that sadly I'm not the only person as a child to have been abused by a parent, I wish there was a way for the other parent or someone else to notice. If you have any words of advice or anything about this please share it, for myself I was always afraid of having kids until I met my husband. He truely is a great man who I have no concerns about at all. I know that unfortunatily not all woman are as lucky...

I still have a lot more to say thank you to Mr. Friedman for....Thank you for all that you have done in helping children! Not only your book which I'm sure has helped many, but for all your work with children. For those of you reading this that don't know Norman E. Friedman has a long history of careing for and treating children with serious emotional problems, as a educator, counselor, and mental health professional. He has more than 50 years in helping survivors professionally, and had spoken to and taught many organizations, camps, and people who work with children. I know after hearing him speak how much of an impact and help he has been. Thank you for your commitment to protecting our children, and for helping them overcome their past!!

Thank you for taking time to come to Take Back The Night in my town and speaking! What you had to say really reached out to everyone that was there! I only wish that more people had come out that night to hear you talk! I love how your shared personal stories and gave us all very important lessons in how to teach our children to protect themselves!! Your speaking was very empowering, and hopeful to everyone there.

Thank you also for donating 50% of the sales of your books that night at Take Back The Night to VIP! That means so much to me personally that you weren't selling your books for profit yourself but to help such a great organazation who has not only helped me but many other people in our community!

Now a note to all who are reading this, if you ever get a chance to attend somewhere where Norman E. Friedman is speaking, GO! You will take a lot away from what he has to say and will learn invaluable lessons on how to protect our children from abuse. If you haven't done so already, then please get his book!! Read his book, and buy it for your friends and family! Pass the lessons your learn in the book on to all other parents and your children!

I hope that one day we will not have to worry about the safety of our children, I hope that one day the world will be safe for all that there will be an end to violence to all men, woman, and children, that abuse of all types will be non-existant. Until that day comes we have to do ALL that we possibly can to protect ourselves and our children, which includes being educated on these topics, aware of people who have commited these acts, and to speak out against it!!!

When I look back...

I saw this on a facebook post and had to share it with you.  I know from personal experience when you're living in an abusive house that if feels like things will never get better and that the future is so far away, but know that one day you will be out and living better and will look back and this will be you.

Please if you are in an abusive home or need help seek it, it's out there, talk to your guidance councler in school, a close friend, or Victims' Intervention Program or any other service that there is in your area.

This quote means so much to mean because I can now do it.  I've lived my hell being abused my my biological father, and grandparents on that side.  I managed to move out and go out with my life, and even my hard days now are nothing compared to my past.  I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I know that I'm safe and that no one will touch me in a way I don't want to be touched today, or tomorrow, or any other day, at least not in my home.  When I was in school I never thought I'd see that day.  I was terrified about telling someone about my abuse and being believed, and to be honest it was a very hard thing to do.  I finally did get out of that home, and while part of me was broken and damaged the part that has flash backs and gets depressed every once in a while over the thoughts of the past, I have become stronger and managed to rise up and say this is my story and this is what happened.  I have found people who don't drag you down and who love and support you and raise you up, for me those people are my loving husband (never thought I'd have one of them), my family who took me in after I told them what happened and made me feel safe and took care of me, my friends who didn't turn their backs on me and told me that everything would be OK, my counclers who listened to me and helped me in every way they could, and all the people who are just there not saying anything but always there as a rock for me.

I will tell you that my life right now isn't a fairy tale happily ever after, but in some ways it is to me.  Right now I'm not making the amount of money my family needs, we are renting and we wish that we owned a home, let's just say that there's a lot that we could change to the better still but I still feel like Cinderella after she puts on the shoe and goes on to live her happily ever after with Prince Charming.  I get to smile every day that I overcame the my past and I know that I will get to go on and keep bettering my life and think everyday that at least I'm not going through what I had gone through all through my school years.  I can't believe how great my life is sometimes compared to how shitty it had once been. 

I really hope that you all read this quote in the image and think the same thing that you can smile at how far you've come and how you've overcome the people in your past who have tried to bring you down.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!  Every year I like to count my blessings and make a list of all the things I have to be thankful for in my life.  I did share a lot off my list on my photography blog.  I wanted to write more about the things I'm thankful for here.

I remember as a child having to write a few things we were thankful for in school and how hard holidays can be when you've gone though something traumatic but counting all the good things in life helps realize that not all hope is gone; not all is bad.

So now what am I thankful for?

I'm so thankful for...

• My husband, who has always stood by my side.  He's been very supportive of all I've wanted to do.  He listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, he's been my shoulder when I needed one to cry on, and he's always been by my side whenever I needed to do anything like speaking at Take Back The Night.  He's shown me that there are men that I can trust, and that there are good guys out there, that they aren't all bad like some who have hurt me in my past.
• My daughter.  She's one of my biggest  blessings.  I never thought I'd have kids because I didn't want to bring a child into such a cruel world and chance them going through the abuse I did.  Thanks to my husband I changed my mind-and I couldn't be happier that I did!  She is sweet, innocent, full of evergy and she's my way to have the childhood I wish I had.
• My family and friends.  I am very lucky to have such a large support system.  While yes I've been hurt by some family and others turned their back on me when I came out about the abuse I had gone through, a large majority of my family believed me and helped me.  I'm so thankful for my friends and family who have helped me and always been there for me.  While it is hard to talk about the abuse to people, my friends have never looked at me differently like I use to get told they would.  Thanks to my friends and family they have showed me how to live life and have fun, I have many great memories to look back on now.
• V.I.P. and school counselors. Once I came forward about my abuse I had a lot of help from both my school counselors and V.I.P.  Even before I admitted that my "grandfather" was abusing me, my counselor got me help from VIP to deal with my abuse from my "father".  I'm also thankful that there are programs such as these (and more) to help other victims get the help they need.
• Horses.  While I have talked to counselors and they have helped there's nothing like the calming effect of being around horses.  I'm so thankful I've had horses in my life-when thing are feeling overwhelming I know I can always brush, ride or just be around the horses at the barn and get my calm back. 
•  
• A roof over my head, power, and having food to eat each day.  I know there are many people in the world that don't have those simple things in life.
•  Getting over my fears.  This year with help of my daughter and friends I got over my fear of snakes.  I never thought that would happen.  I also never thought I'd find myself married and with children, but thanks to my husband I let go of the fears that were holding me back there.  
• And this year we got a nice surprise that we're expecting a second baby! I loved being pregnant with my daughter and am very excited and thankful that I'm going to experience pregnancy again :)

Well I hope that you all find that you have many things to be thankful for this year as well, and that you all have a very happy Thanksgiving.