Your story could Help

I posted my speech this year for Take Back The Night in which I spoke about why I speak and share my story. By sharing our stories as survivors we not only support each other but inspire each other to open up, get help, and in turn heal. I use to want to write a book or make a movie to bring about awareness but really never could write my story out word for word the way it happened, to tell it from start to end in detail. I could picture much of it although a lot of my childhood is cut in and out, I only have pieces of the memories, and many of which I wish I didn't have. My thought for sharing my story like that is to make childhood sexual abuse very public and to show that it happens and how often. I want to bring this issue that everyone hides and tries to cover up or say didn't happen to attention. I don't see me accomplishing this, but it is a good thought and maybe someone will do it with their own story one day. The book "A Child Called It" did that with childhood abuse and neglect. I have read that, and my heart went out to the child, it sickened me that someone could treat any person that way.

I always hope that by speaking each year at Take Back The Night that I'll help at least one person get the help that they need or to share their story and help another person. With this blog I hope that it's a safe way to do the same, and to let other survivors or victims know that they aren't alone.

I was really happy to see a large jump in the number of page views after speaking. I hope that it helps.

  I received these emails from my counselor which really made me feel good that I've helped others speak:
"Thank you so much !  I will share the information from your blog.  It was such an empowering night and I greatly appreciate your involvement through the years, as well as the information you now share on your blog.  I often use you as an example, without names of course, to help encourage others to speak.  I tell them that we have someone who  started speaking while still in high school and that they have continued either in person or by sending us something to read through the years.  You just never know the effect that your sharing may have.  "
" I have never had anyone regret speaking at Take Back the Night so I’m going to share that.  Then I also share that in actuality not only do they not regret it, they look forward to speaking again.  I love how positive your blog is and I’m glad you have been able to use your writing not only to help you, but now to help others.  Keep passing it on!"


It really means a lot to me that I help others speak out because I know how much it helped me the first time I went to Take Back The Night and heard other survivors speak. I finally realized that the way I felt and what I had gone through, someone else had felt and gone through as well.

I really hope that other's will share their stories because you never realize how much your sharing can help someone else. It might help them admit to you or someone about the abuse they are going through, or to help them get help with something they've gone through. Your story just lets other's know that they aren't alone.

It took me a long long time to be able to share my story. And I know how hard it is to tell the first few times, but it get easier every time. Now at times it's hard but after having opened up to others and having them open up to me about things they've gone through and helping each other it makes it easier. After having opened up to a few people and found that they've gone through something similar and never really talked about it and how they felt, made me want to share more to raise more awareness.

When you're ready to share, know that you don't have to let people know who you are, you can share your story at Take Back The Night without telling anyone there your name, you could write a blog, a letter, a book, and not have your name mentioned, do it under a fake name.



Your story really will help someone, so please open up in someway and share. Let your story be known and raise awareness, help victims know that they aren't alone, and give other survivors support and courage to share as well!  Weather you know of the abuse or not you more than likely know someone who has been abused....

Everyone knows someone who has been a victim weather they are aware of it or not, tell the story and help someone else.

What's wrong with this world? Boston Bombing :(

I don't have TV or internet at my house so when tragedies happen I'm left in the dark until someone tells me about it, I turn on the radio, or get out and get online. In many ways I think it's nice to have that because you can still feel safe and think that there is good in the world or be caught up in the fantasy of a good book where the bad guy is always caught and punished and good prevails. But then when you're tossed back out into reality and find the news, and facebook flooded with all the bad news of tragedies that happen you feel like an ostorage having your head pulled from a dark hole, and all you want is to go back to that safe bubble.

I'm not a stranger to the awareness of how sick and bad people in this world can be. I just find it so sad and very frightening that there are people out there who like to hurt others. And find it hard to accept that there are people who believe in religions that think that certain people or anyone who doesn't do like they believe deserve to be "punished" or anything! Sadly there are people in every religion who go to extremes and find justice in crimes that they commit. I don't understand how, nor will I ever. There is no excuse for inflicting pain and hurting others, NONE!

I don't know why the bombing that happened yesterday happened. Nor do I think that there is any that would make the people effected by it feel better. One of the first questions that comes to mind when something bad happens is "Why?" My question is "What Is Wrong With This World??" Really, why do things like this happen? What's wrong with people that do this? I don't understand our world at all...

The good news is that not everyone in this messed up world is bad. There are many good people and things in our world. Look around at a new baby, at a couple just getting married, at the EMTs, fire fighters, cops, and other people who rush in to help others when it's needed, look at a rainbow in the sky, or a child blowing bubbles. See someone doing something nice and unexpected for someone else or a hurt animal. There are many good things to find in the world. Look for the beauty in a new flower, the spring grass, photos of someplace exotic. There is the good news that while bad things happen, and unfortunately they happen way too often, that there is always 10 good things that you can find. Look at all the people that come together to help out, look at how a community will come together in hard times, this should give us faith in our world.

My heart goes out to all the people hurt in the bombing yesterday and to the family and friends of the ones who were killed.

May we one day live in a peaceful world where we can always feel safe.

May there one day be no more bad news.

May we all find love and compassion in our hearts.

To end this on a uplifting note, check out 26 Moments That Restored Our Faith In Humanity in 2012 it's really touching

A book that is a MUST for EVERY Parent!!

I told you in my last blog that this year at Take Back the Night I got to hear Norman E. Friedman speak about teaching our children to protect themselves from sexual abuse and how my mother bought me his book; well I have now read it all and really want to encourage every parent, grandparent, guardian, caregiver of children to get it and read it!! I didn't know this at the time but while they were selling the books at Take Back The Night 50% of all sales went towards VIP!! I think that is really great! I wish I had the money at the time to buy a copy for all of my friends and family! I would still love to do so as the book is something that teaches us how to teach our children how to protect themselves and to me you can't put a price on that!!

Even though I was molested as a young child on up through my teen years, and know how important it is to teach children the difference between right and wrong, I didn't know how to teach my daughter the normal good touch, bad touch. I didn't know where or how to start and just hoped that by being very protective over her that nothing would ever happen to her. I am so happy and thankful that I was given the book "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" I now know how to teach my girls about the "NO TOUCH ZONE", and things to do to help them protect themselves. The lessons in this book are something that every child should learn and every parent needs to teach in their homes!!

"Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" is a two part book. Part one is for parents, caregivers, or anyone who is responsible for a child's safety is any way. It talks about how to pick up on signs of a predator and gives you some facts to many of the common myths about childhood sex abuse. These facts ring very true and are scary. There is also a letter in the book that was written by a child molester to Ann Landers which goes on to tell how a person who is a child molester is never "cured" and how you wouldn't be able to tell him/her apart from anyone else in a crowd. I have never believed that a person can be "cured." I've had friends who have had boyfriends who have hit them and they think that they can "fix" the guy, but I've never seen it happen. Now I've never gone back to see my father and have no desire to, but I'll tell you one thing I don't think his 5 or 7 years in jail did anything! I would never let my children around anyone who has been convicted or even suspected of hurting a child!!

Part two of the book is the most valuable part of the book, in my opinion. This part of the book goes on to tell the parent how to teach children how to keep themselves safe. And it starts with teaching children from age 18months up. The way Mr. Friedman writes the steps and lessons is easy to understand and makes a lot of sense. After reading the book, it seems like common sense but yet it's not how many of us think of things.

Please if you're a parent, or know someone who will become a parent/gaurdian then go out and get the book "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" It's a book that you can't put a value on having and learning the information, take it from someone who has gone through childhood sexual abuse, it's something you never want any other child to go through and while my life is now good it's something that stays with you forever. I'd do anything I could to make this world a world in which no child would ever know the pain that I have; a world in which every child grew up safe and innocent.

I want to take a moment now to send out my biggest "Thank You" to Norman E. Friedman. Thank you for writing this book!! I'm sure it has helped many parents, families, and children. I know it's one of my most valued books for teaching me how to protect my daughters from facing the same hurt I've had in my past. My mother when she bought it for me said, "It may be 25 years too late for me but it's not for you." I know my family wishes they had the book 25 years ago but the fact of my abuse is that I don't know if it was something that could have been prevented as it was done before I was 5 years of age, by my own father, the one person in the world who should do everything possible to protect you was the one who hurt me. I don't know the reason, I assume money, but for whatever reason my father's parents got coustidy of me, even if my mother, aunt and rest of the family had read the book there was so much fear in my grandparents house that I would never had told anyone. And I didn't tell anyone of what was happeneing until after I was out of the house. I don't think anyone ever would think that the person they married, loved and had children with would ever hurt thier children in that way, parents are supose to be protective! I think that Norman's book should be a staple given out at hospitals after given birth. I think that it's lessons and "instruction manual" gives ways to help children protect themselves and a way for them to feel safe and tell parents about anything that is going on with them. Norman, with what I've gone through, and I know that sadly I'm not the only person as a child to have been abused by a parent, I wish there was a way for the other parent or someone else to notice. If you have any words of advice or anything about this please share it, for myself I was always afraid of having kids until I met my husband. He truely is a great man who I have no concerns about at all. I know that unfortunatily not all woman are as lucky...

I still have a lot more to say thank you to Mr. Friedman for....Thank you for all that you have done in helping children! Not only your book which I'm sure has helped many, but for all your work with children. For those of you reading this that don't know Norman E. Friedman has a long history of careing for and treating children with serious emotional problems, as a educator, counselor, and mental health professional. He has more than 50 years in helping survivors professionally, and had spoken to and taught many organizations, camps, and people who work with children. I know after hearing him speak how much of an impact and help he has been. Thank you for your commitment to protecting our children, and for helping them overcome their past!!

Thank you for taking time to come to Take Back The Night in my town and speaking! What you had to say really reached out to everyone that was there! I only wish that more people had come out that night to hear you talk! I love how your shared personal stories and gave us all very important lessons in how to teach our children to protect themselves!! Your speaking was very empowering, and hopeful to everyone there.

Thank you also for donating 50% of the sales of your books that night at Take Back The Night to VIP! That means so much to me personally that you weren't selling your books for profit yourself but to help such a great organazation who has not only helped me but many other people in our community!

Now a note to all who are reading this, if you ever get a chance to attend somewhere where Norman E. Friedman is speaking, GO! You will take a lot away from what he has to say and will learn invaluable lessons on how to protect our children from abuse. If you haven't done so already, then please get his book!! Read his book, and buy it for your friends and family! Pass the lessons your learn in the book on to all other parents and your children!

I hope that one day we will not have to worry about the safety of our children, I hope that one day the world will be safe for all that there will be an end to violence to all men, woman, and children, that abuse of all types will be non-existant. Until that day comes we have to do ALL that we possibly can to protect ourselves and our children, which includes being educated on these topics, aware of people who have commited these acts, and to speak out against it!!!

An inspiring night at Take Back The Night

Last night was Take Back The Night. I've gone to a few over the years but last night was by far the best I've ever gone to. It was a heavy, emotional, but uplifting and informative event. The turn out of people was great! I was so happy to see so many people come out and be a part of taking the night back, it really is empowering to see a large support group of people who are there against sexual assault.

The keynote speaker was phenomenal! Norman E. Friedman really reached out to me and my family with how to teach children to protect themselves against molestation. He talked about teaching the child the "No Touch Zone" and how to tell them "You are not allowed to touch me there" if someone tries to enter their "No touch zone." I'm so thankful to my mother who bought me his book that was for sale "Inoculating Your Children Against Sexual Abuse!" Really Thank You mom! I haven't read it yet as I just got it last night and haven't had a moment but I'm sure I'll have read it cover to cover by the end of the weekend. I want to do everything possible to prevent my daughter (soon to be daughters) from going through what I went through.

Then we had the survivor's speak. The survivor's part is always hardest for me because it's raw emotion and having gone through abuse it really hits hard. The people who spoke were so strong and brave, and really inspiring. They spoke about what happened to them, and shared a pome or song that helped them in healing. I can tell you having been a speaker last night, it was the largest crowd I've spoken in front of and it was a bit frightening, but also so many people being there was really supportive as well knowing that they were all there for the same reason. I really want to say thank you to all who spoke last night, they all did such a great job.

There was a man who spoke about the abuse he had gone through and I heard him speak for his first time last year and to see the change in him over a year was great! He spoke about how hard it is for men to come forward about abuse that happens to them and how hard it is to talk about. He is now a counselor with VIP in hopes to get other men to talk about their abuse, because it's easier for a man to talk to a man (which I feel the same it's easier for me to talk to another woman) and to just get help that is needed. I really applaud him in overcoming his past and using it to now help others!!

There were 2 young girls who read pomes/sung and they did such a great job. They were so young and so strong and brave for getting up there and opening up. I wish I had a copy of the songs and pomes to share. The pome that was read really touched me. It was about how this girl had gone through something so hard and how her mother didn't believe her and how alone she felt and wanted to leave this life. I know exactally how she felt and I know there are many other victems and surviviors who have gone through the same or are going through it. When you're a victem you really do feel like you're all alone, and for someone not to believe you it makes you feel that much more alone. When I was going through my abuse I wanted to die, but never could do it, I also didn't want to give my abusers the satisfaction of seeing how much they hurt me. I'm so happy that she has gotten help and shared her story, it shows how strong she is not only for going through what she did and surviving, but for getting help, and for sharing in front of a group of people and by doing so helping others. I know she'll go on to do great things in life. Best wishes to her, and to the other young girl who sang so beautifully such strong songs.

Thank you to all who spoke. And Thank you to all who came out.

The theme of the night was Start a Ripple, Create a Wave. I really think that Victems Intervention Program (VIP) accomplished that last night. And I hope that everyone who was there took it home with them and that we can all start a ripple in our own comunities and in turn create a wave across the state, country, and world!

My Speech for Take Back The Night 2013

April is here!  With it hoping to bring a warm spring, nice weather, and a time for healing.  Also April bring sexual assault awareness and Take Back The Night.  I'm speaking this year again so thought I'd share my speech with you...


Hey everyone - I have to tell you, every year I get to speak at Take Back the Night I always try to be inspiring - at least I hope that I am. I realize that tonight can be very heavy - hearing other people's stories, looking at the shirts people have made, all the emotions, and even the topic is hard to talk about and listen to. Last year after leaving here I looked at my daughter and realized that when I was her age (3) I was already a victem. I cried. I know it happened to me but seeing my bright eyed, smiling, playful girl without a worry in the world - all I could think of was "how the hell does someone look at a child like that and have any sexual thoughts!?" And I cried even more because she's so innocent and the thought of someone hurting her kills me. Even tho I was molested as a child that young up though my teen years I still can't get my head around how someone could do such things to someone so innocent.

That is what tonight is all about - realizing that these things happen - and talking about it. It's also why tonight can be so heavy and hard to talk about, but it's why we have to - to raise awareness about what happened to us, or to someone we know, and to give each other support. Last year I realized that this is really important and we should do more, more often whenever we can to raise awareness, and to support each other - so I started a blog about overcoming my past called "Overcoming a Bad Past".

Before going on I'd like to tell you more about me and my story, and then maybe you'll understand why this night is so important to me...This month I'll be a 25 year old mother of 2, and was so lucky to have met a wonderful man 7years ago who became my husband and my strongest support person for all my flash backs and hard times. My life while it's not perfect it really is a fairy tale for me having all these wonderful people in my life including my family who never turned their backs on me when I was going through so much. I was molested by my own father, yes, this world has some very sick people in it, as I said earlier I can't get my head around the idea of someone touching a child so young in such a way but yes my biological father did this to me, it's something I will never understand. By the time I entered first grade that was over. Unfortantly that's not where my story ends...he's parents were given coustidy of me. My grandfather then started the touching, and I was too scared to get help until after I had moved out at the age of 17 and finally told the lady from VIP who I was already talking to what I had gone through and kept secrete for so long.

I speak at Take Back the Night, write my blog, and share my story in hopes that by shareing I'll inspire more people to share their stories or read a pome, sing a song or do whatever to get their feelings out weather about themselfs or someone they know. And by doing this we'll raise more awareness and one day hopefully put an end to sexual assault. So please if you're a suvivor or know one think about speaking. I know for me the more I speak about my past and talk at TBTN the more strength it gives me, my voice is like my superpower. If you have stage fright (which I battle each year) or don't want people to know who you are (which is understandable, I've been there too) you can always write up what you have to say and give it to someone at VIP for them to read for you. Which I had to do this year incase I couldn't make it here tonight as I'm due any day with my second child or just had her, either way I wanted my speech out there so weather I'm speaking or one of the wonderful lady friends I've made through VIP is reading this, it's getting told. And thank you Michelle and Denise for going through this effort of reading this, emails, and having this on hand incase I'm unable to make it :) I know they are happy to read what you have to say, if you want, on your behalf. Not only do we gain strength by speaking out but we also gain power with the more people who hear our stories and realize how big of a reality sexual assault is - so for everyone that's here tonight, please come back next year and ask just 1 friend to come with you. Tonight when you go home think about shareing what you heard with your friends or family and talk to them about everything.

If you are a victem or have been a victem and need someone to talk to or need help, please go to VIP and get it. I know from talking to them myself how much of a help they are! I offer my blog to everyone but that's just my experience and thoughts about anything realted to overcoming my past, I am not an expert and I can't help like VIP does, I just offer this as something uplifting to read if you so chose. I really hope that my blog helps, but that if you need help and someone to talk to that you will contact VIP.

"Not asking for it!" ... No means NO!

I saw this image first on facebook and I had to share it, then find the STFU blog where it was published and check it out there, but I had to share it on here.


 Now the story behind this is that on the blog someone made a comment and I quote, "... its kind of like putting a meat suit on and telling a shark not to eat you"
I love how STFU replies to this guy (or I assume it's a guy) and I'm stealing their quote again "
"We (men) are not fucking sharks!
We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct
We are capable of rational thinking and understanding. 
Just because someone is cooking food doesn’t mean you’re entitled to eat it. 
Just because a banker is counting money doesn’t mean you’re being given free money.
Just because a person is naked doesn’t mean you’re entitled to fuck them. 
You are not entitled to someone else’s body just because it’s exposed. 
What is so fucking difficult about this concept?"

This photo and story has been shared on facebook over 10,000 times!  I love that people are getting the word out there that no matter what a person looks like or what they are wearing that they aren't "asking for it."  It doesn't matter weather they are a hooker or a librarian if they say "no" it means NO.  I love how stfu worded their reply telling everyone that it's just like everything else in life, you're not entitled to it even if it's right in front of you.

I've always lived wearing what I want to wear, I love the human body and think it's beautiful so why not show it off?  I think it's completely natural to want to be naked and to be naked because that's how we were put on the Earth and how we're born.  We began to cover ourselves for protection against natural elements like the sun, bugs, the cold, not so that we're conseled from other people taking what they want from our bodies. 

I know people who think you should dress very modestly because if you don't then you're "asking for it" or as some others say your bringing out temtation in men.  I'm sorry but this is not true!  I know I've been there.  Yes when you have on less clothing it's easier for men to want you and find you attractive but a man should be able to controll his wants, and as stfu said "We are not rabid animals living off of pure instinct"  Yes when I wear less clothing I'm wearing it because I think my body looks great and that it's beautiful, the way God (or whoever/whatever you want to believe in) created me, and that it's fine for other people to look and like "the view" but it's not saying "I want to have sex with everyone" or giving anyone permission to touch me.  As for the part that dressing modestly will save you from rape, or others will be too tempted, like I said I've been there and it's not true.  In almost all cases rape, and sexual assault isn't about sex it's about power over another person.  I've lived in a house where I was forced to undress and be touched against my will until I was almost 17.  It didn't matter weather it was the dead of winter when I dressed warm or if it was summer and I had on a 2 piece bathing suit, it didn't stop him from touching me or having me undress.  I disagree with anyone who says that less clothing is more provoking...or that your asking for it.  No matter how much you cover up you can still be a victem.

No one "asks" for harm to come to them.  It doesn't matter how they are dressed.  I think that people should have self control!!  Men may find a woman attractive but it does not mean they have the right to touch them in any way. 

When I look back...

I saw this on a facebook post and had to share it with you.  I know from personal experience when you're living in an abusive house that if feels like things will never get better and that the future is so far away, but know that one day you will be out and living better and will look back and this will be you.

Please if you are in an abusive home or need help seek it, it's out there, talk to your guidance councler in school, a close friend, or Victims' Intervention Program or any other service that there is in your area.

This quote means so much to mean because I can now do it.  I've lived my hell being abused my my biological father, and grandparents on that side.  I managed to move out and go out with my life, and even my hard days now are nothing compared to my past.  I may not be exactly where I want to be in life but I know that I'm safe and that no one will touch me in a way I don't want to be touched today, or tomorrow, or any other day, at least not in my home.  When I was in school I never thought I'd see that day.  I was terrified about telling someone about my abuse and being believed, and to be honest it was a very hard thing to do.  I finally did get out of that home, and while part of me was broken and damaged the part that has flash backs and gets depressed every once in a while over the thoughts of the past, I have become stronger and managed to rise up and say this is my story and this is what happened.  I have found people who don't drag you down and who love and support you and raise you up, for me those people are my loving husband (never thought I'd have one of them), my family who took me in after I told them what happened and made me feel safe and took care of me, my friends who didn't turn their backs on me and told me that everything would be OK, my counclers who listened to me and helped me in every way they could, and all the people who are just there not saying anything but always there as a rock for me.

I will tell you that my life right now isn't a fairy tale happily ever after, but in some ways it is to me.  Right now I'm not making the amount of money my family needs, we are renting and we wish that we owned a home, let's just say that there's a lot that we could change to the better still but I still feel like Cinderella after she puts on the shoe and goes on to live her happily ever after with Prince Charming.  I get to smile every day that I overcame the my past and I know that I will get to go on and keep bettering my life and think everyday that at least I'm not going through what I had gone through all through my school years.  I can't believe how great my life is sometimes compared to how shitty it had once been. 

I really hope that you all read this quote in the image and think the same thing that you can smile at how far you've come and how you've overcome the people in your past who have tried to bring you down.