No Justice

I'm sorry in advance.  I normally try to be positive and up lifting - but I don't think this post is going that way, but this is my story, and my feelings and I want them out there.

After finishing my last post I was left with having just relived all the feeling I had gone through during those years.  I was so Angry that Rick was, not just one the same farm as me, or road, but even that he was in the same state - and loose!!  I hated that he was free to go do whatever he wanted, although on paper he was to stay so many feet away from kids.

I know he went to jail - for a couple years, then was on parole, and now free...

Why?

How?

I don't get it!!

Because I kept my mouth shut about what Jim did for so long he never went to jail or anything before he died.  He lived the life he wanted until he died - because I was afraid of admitting to what had been going on.

I feel like there is no justice for the victim.  We are the ones most hurt here,  We are the ones that have to deal with the memories of what was done to us, or what we had to do.  We are the ones knowing that there is a limited amount of jail time for our abuser - and then they are out!  We are the one who have a hard time trusting anyone - for we know that people are capable of unspeakable things!  We are the ones who lost the wonder of childhood!!  Who learned about sex way before we should have.  We are the ones who have to deal with what we went through for the rest of our lives.  We are the ones who have to pay for therapy (if we can afford to do so...if not we're left to try to find comfort some other way).

So why is it that the abuser gets to go back to his/her life?!

I will never get my childhood back, yet Rick is back to working around school buses and doing whatever he wishes.  Jim never felt the weight of being convicted guilty over what he had done to me.  All I can hope for there is that there is some sort of God that will rule the ultimate Judgement for him (but then I'm not even sure that I believe in God...Heaven, Hell....a lot of teachings I just can't follow or believe in....but believing that there is some sort of ultimate Judgement is all that we have left)

Here's one more thing that just makes me so mad:

Why is it that the news covered that they were looking for Rick (image right) of a suspected rape of a 6 year old girl (I was only 6 - I didn't know the difference.  I said he put his "thing" into my "thing" when I finally told someone what was happening....I didn't realize the difference) But there was no follow up article telling how he had run to Canada, then came back and confessed to molesting me and had a jail sentence?  Why would you not follow up a wanted/looking for article with a Found/Convicted article??



One last bitter thought... Justice is something hard to bring to any victim.  But I think if we can't quarantine all sex offenders and murders in some Godforsaken part of the world to rot, then why can't we at least mark each one who has been convicted?  A big black forehead tattoo saying S.O.B. (Sex Offending Bastard) would do well.  Then at least everyone who has been convicted will have no way to hide it!!  Parents will be able to easily spot them and keep their kids away and other people can view them for the low lives they are!  Then there's no way for them to hurt anyone else again.
Sadly there will still be people out there because not everyone is convicted because sexually based crimes are very under reported.
But the marking would help!!

Why is it that if they were convicted before Megan's law they they don't go on Megan's List??
I don't care that Rick hasn't been charged since.  I don't think people change - not abusers.  I was his daughter - the one person in the world he should have never had any sexual thoughts about - a child non the less!
He took away my childhood innocence - his own daughter - what makes anyone think he wouldn't do it again to another??

I was a victim.  I am now a survivor - my past has not held me down - but I will always have my invisible scars that will haunt me.

Names

Thanks to some survivors at Take Back The Night this year who got up and introduced themselves by name I've realized that I shouldn't hide names. Like I said you never know how your speaking helps others.

I realized that I shouldn't hide who I am, I've done nothing wrong, although I'm still embarrassed and ashamed of what happened to me I know I shouldn't be but you can't help it, abuse leaves marks that can't be seen and shame is one of those marks. You want to hide and remain annomys. For me it's that and the reason I haven't shared names is out of fear even still, years after the abuse has stopped, I'm still afraid of what might happen by putting their names out there, but I'm going to do it anyway...why? Because people should know who they are, because I know my "father" who molested his own daughter, and if he did it to his own daughter then no child is safe around him, isn't on Megan's List...because he was convicted of his crime before Megan's Law.

So names....I will now use names for the two who abused me....while one has died before being convicted the other still lives.

Richard "Rick" Davis was, or well biologically is my father. He is a convicted child molester, he went to jail for 5 or 7 years. When he started touching me, I don't know, I don't have a lot of early childhood memories, but there are a lot of clips that I wish I didn't have. By the time I entered 1st grade he was in jail. The last I heard he was living in Shohola, PA.

James "Jim" Davis was while not biologically, but adoptivally, Rick's father, and my grandfather. He was very well respected in the community, and had many political friends. I didn't tell anyone of what he did to me until I was out of his house and 17years old. He died before any trial or conviction.

Gennive "Jen" Davis was the wife of Jim and mother of Rick. She still is a respected member of the community, and drives and owns school buses. She blamed me and my mother for her son Rick going to jail.

Wow, even though I'm 25 and have been out of the house and away from the 3 of them I'm still fearful of telling their names...but as I said before, I'm gonna suck it up and tell you all because you have a right to know who commits such crimes and that they are from all backgrounds.

From now on in my blog I will use their names, I no longer have to refer to Rick as my father since I've never liked doing so.

It is important to know that Rick was a school bus driver! A person that was always around children! He even owned buses. He is not allowed to own or drive school buses now but I know for a fact that he is still around them. How? Well before I moved out of Jen and Jim's I was told that he was around by his brother, and then I saw him. He never came near me. Jen and Jim didn't know that I knew. He was caught driving bus for a summer camp I had worked at, and the owner who knew Rick wasn't allowed to be around kids told him to get off the property and not to come back on. Other family friends who know of what happened have told us that they have seen him driving an empty bus to get work done on it (we've learned that if the "school bus" signs aren't showing it's not against the law) and on a couple ocassions has gone out to buses that have broken down to fix them.

Jen and Jim owned a large number of school buses and both drove school bus. While Jim died 6 or 7 years ago Jen still owns the buses and drives. She never touched me, she only put me down, called me names and made me feel like shit.

Sex offenders can be anyone! The Davis name while it's a common name, was highly respected in our community. I think it still is, because they kept all their dirty secrets hidden from everyone. I was always told growing up to never tell anyone what happened to me because if I did people would think poorly of me, make fun of me, and I'd just be hurting myself. I've realized that it was their name and reputation that they didn't want ruined.

To you seeing them, you'd never think or know what they truely were/are, what they did. To me, I knew the truth, after all I was the one going through the abuse. I often wondered why other people didn't see it...couldn't they see their thoughts? I know people can't, but as someone going through the abuse, you really wish people could!

They had money! They had a lot of money and were well off. Abuse doesn't know any boundries, age, race, money, job, religion, there are no defining charatistics of who will be abuse, or of those who abuse others. I hated money, and power. Why? Because Jen and Jim had both! And Jim always held that over me. He told me I couldn't tell anyone because no one would believe me and that he was too old to go to jail. No one would believe me because he was powerful. I was terrified when I finally told. Who would believe me? And as far as I know I was the only person he ever did that to. Oh but he told me how he loved to look at girls getting on the school bus in short skirts. But what does that matter? I doubt he told anyone else that.

So to everyone who lives where there's a Davis school bus (G Davis Inc), you now know of the people who are around the busses. I will not allow my children on one. Once they start riding a bus I'm gonna make sure I know who the driver is and make sure that they know to tell me the moment they don't feel safe.

I want to end this entry with a link to a letter from a child molester written to Ann Landers: