Last Night at TBTN

Last night I spoke at Take Back The Night and so did a few others.  I looked at the other victims who spoke or people who knew victims who got up and spoke and couldn't help but to think about how strong they were. It's not easy getting up in front of people and sharing what you or someone you knew went through with sexual violence.  There were a couple people there who looked like they could only be in high school still, I remember what that was like being in high school and going through something similar; I feel for them so much, but they are going to be strong, and they will overcome their past.  Their on the right path to do so by coming out and sharing and raising awareness.  My thoughts are with them and I hope they know that things will get better for them.
Last night's theme was "It's Time To Talk About It".
I know no one wants to talk about it, no one wants to think about it.  I also know no one wants to go through it, and no one wants to admit to having gone through it.  It's hard to face this thing that no one talks about, but we need to, we can't just burr our heads and think that by doing so it won't happen, that by not talking about it that it never did happen; because it does happen!  There are some facts you should know.  Like 1 out of 4 women and 1 out of 6 men will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives.  And fewer than 20% of sexually violent crimes are reported?  Why do you think that is?? BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT! People feel ashamed what what happened to them.  They feel like they can't talk about it.  You know I may only be 24 and just one girl but I hope I change this!
I was told from a very young age to not speak of what happened to me.  Go figure my "father's" parents didn't want their name tarnished.  They were big and important.  Some people still respect them...a lot of people do.  So I was told that it would make ME look bad and people would think less of ME if I spoke of what my "father" did...then my grandpa started and I was told no one would believe me if I spoke of it...besides I couldn't send him to jail he was too old.  So for YEARS I kept my mouth shut...never spoke about it.  Then one day at a party another girl and I bonded and we were talking about our past, she told me how she was hurt and I told her how I went through it too.  I was in 7th grade at this point (first time I told anyone after that long night when I first told my GG) well I guess she told her mom and her mom must have told my grandparents because that a couple nights latter I was YELLED at for telling someone what happened to me.  I asked why would I do that?  The kids in school will always pick on me now because of that.
I was never picked on for what I went through.  I learned when I was 16 or so that it's good to talk about it, but it's hard.  Now I'll tell anyone what happened to me...although I don't like to go into detail because it's hard to say it out loud.
It is time to talk about it....it's time to let victims know that it's OK to talk about....that they won't be picked on, they won't look bad, they are extremely strong for surviving and even stronger for talking.

I realized something else last night...
Last night was the first TBTN that my daughter went to. She's 3.  And as I read my speech and came home after and wrote her a letter (I write her letters once in a while like a book she'll have to read when she's older) I realized that I was her age when my father was molesting me.  OMG.  I cried, and I'm still getting sick about that thought...I don't understand how he could have done that to someone so small and innocent and to his own daughter....
My daughter is my world.  And I'll protect her as much as I can from evil...with everything I have.
Next year she'll be 4 and right around then is when I told someone what happened to me...not even knowing it was bad until I had to keep telling other people....
We have to find ways to tell our kids when they are still babies what good touch, bad touch is.  You know how hard that is??  I'm a survivor of child molestation and I still haven't really found a way to talk to my daughter about right and wrong touches.
I guess I haven't really taught her about it because I only leave her with people I trust my heart, soul, and daughter with...I have good instincts about people and she is only left alone with people I know and trust.  Which is hard because you have limited trust after a family member does something like that.  I'd never forgive myself if something was to happen to her.

So last night's theme really was a great one IT IS TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT! It's time to share our stories, it's time to raise awareness, it's time to teach our kids, it's time to teach everyone about the truth behind this unspoken of problem, that this is real!  And it happens to people of all walks of life!