A time to heal

The big thing all over the local news has been the Sandusky trial.  Last night on the news they talked about the victims moving on and how the first victim is a hero and you know I'm so happy that this story has been all over the news, because it raises awareness and all the victims that came out are heroes especially the first one because it's hard to admit what you went through.
The whole story makes me think about my abuse for years because like Sandusky my "grandfather" was well respected and a man in power in the area.  That side of my family owned and still owns many school buses.  It was terrifying for me to come out and tell my counselor what I had gone through, then to have to go and tell the state police, it was hard and scary.  What made it worst was that I had gone through all of that as a child with my own biological father, who was a school bus driver, and owned many school buses.  He was found guilty and served only 5years in jail.  There was no news about this, everything was kept hush-hush, and I was told never to talk about it.  For many years I never spoke about it.  And very few people knew, I didn't even know who knew and who didn't, and life went on.  I grew up and my well respected, school bus driver, grandfather started the abuse, touching me, making me undress, and NO ONE knew.  I didn't dare speak of it.  What good would it do anyway?  Rick didn't face any real concenqueses...5years in jail, probation, and it's on his record, but that's it.  He didn't have to register where he lives, and he's still around school buses. 


I am so proud of all the victims that came out against Sandusky and shared their story of what happened.  I know how hard that is!  All of you were an example of what people should do when they know about any type of abuse going on.  There are many people out there who never step forward and tell what happened to them or never get help for abuse they are going through, everyone who out and spoke about what Sandusky did to them really I believe encouraged all those people to find their voice and to have the courage to stand up to their abusers. 


I want to thank all the victims who came out and spoke about stood up to Sandusky.  I also want to tell you all that the pain and suffering you're going though will lessen, and things will get better.  Don't be afraid of getting help or finding one person you can talk to.  Do what you need to to heal, and trust that not all people are bad.  


I wish I had had the strength to stand up to my grandfather sooner, but I know that even now I wouldn't have been able to, his power and strength scared me.  He has since passed on and I think that there is a God or some higher power that will punish him, at least I hope so!  

Journals

I've kept a diary ever since I was a pre-teen.  I think that a diary is great for kids to have; it's a place for them to express themselves free of critizim, it's a place for them to figure out who they are and what they want in life. I think adults should even keep a journal.  I use to all the way up until after I had my daughter, then life just became too busy and I quite writing.  I do miss having that interspecive alone time and a place to save all my thoughts about what I'm going though at different points in my life.  I use to write almost every day, and every time I had any problem going on in my life.  It helped.

I saved most of my diaries, and love notebooks.  I love filling them.  I have many notebooks that I've filled as my journal, some are full of quotes, poems, places I want to go or things I want to do, give me a notebook and I'll find something to fill it with.  And I almost always save and cherish each of them.  With moving some many times in the last couple years many of my diaries have been packed and misplaced but here's a photo of just some that I have out now

I use to have a hard time expressing myself with words, how I felt, what I thought, and that was really had when I was in relationships and there was a fight, I'd clamp up and not know what to say or how to say it.  When I meet my husband I used my diary every time we argued or disagreed.  We'd stop fighting and I'd pour my heart into that notebook and hand it to him to read, then we'd be able to talk and work things out.

Parents, if you have a child who like me keeps a journal, by all means let them and encourage it!  But please don't read it.  I know what it's like to learn that your private place wasn't ever private, it hurts and it scares you.  When I was 14 or so my grandfather told me that he'd been reading my diary and knew what I thought and what I'd been doing, and shame on me for having such a potty moth in it.  I knew I had no privacy in the house but for some reason I thought that my diaries were safe from them.  They use to do random searches in my room, tear apart my purse and backpack and read all notes from my friends.  And trust me then had no reason to do any of that until I was in high school and had been going though that for a few years always being accused of doing drugs that then I started smoking, and not really caring.  Once I learned that my diaries were being read I didn't stop writing in them I just didn't bring them home, I kept them in school.

Parents, I know you want to know what your child is up to, and thinking about.  I know you want to protect them.  But trust me when I tell you that you'll have broken their bond of trust with you if you read their journals.  Be open with them, and let them know that they can ALWAYS talk to you no matter what you're there for them.  If you do that and have an open line of communication with them then you will not have to worry about what's in the diary.


If you know someone who has been a victim of abuse or know any emotional pain, give them a journal as a gift.  I know they will like it.